Saving sheep in the nude Down Under
It's been an interesting week for those of us who are not given to sniggering at idle tittle-tattle and insisting that nothing else but the low intrigue of high politics matters in life. Poor sods, they've forgotten to laugh without which living in Delhi, more so its suburbs, can be a terrible experience.
The best picture of the week easily was that of breathtaking Australian model Annalise Braakensiek, cuddling a lamb in the buff - I mean she and not the wooly creature, of course. Unlike others Down Under who happily drop their clothes, Annalise has a flawless complexion (not spotty, botched skin) that more than makes up for her lack of oomph.
The last time People for Ethical Treatment of Animals made a splash was with Pamela Anderson advocating the rights of all creatures big and small. Those who saw the ad drooled over Pam and forgot to read the message against cruelty to animals.
This time, though, PETA has done a terrific job with Annalise and her little lamb. Since the cause is good, the three women in my life have let me save the picture as the desktop wallpaper of the PC in my study, after editing out the campaign line - "I'll gladly shed my clothes if it will help shed light on the cruelty of live-sheep exports".
Meanwhile, as we celebrated Holi out here in the northern plains during a respite from unwelcome rains - a whacko geologist in Bhopal claims the wet weather is on account of tremors in New Zealand and Sumatra - young gays in Lahore defied the shari'ah and made a bold coming out statement during the Basant festival.
Enthused by Gen Pervez Musharraf's claim of empowering minorities, gay revellers, pun unintended, "proudly joined" the celebrations. "Gay men, mainly in their mid-20s, partied on rooftops and on the streets in dresses with Bollywood music in the background," the Guardian reported.
A gay man from Karachi has been quoted as saying, "In a bizarre way homosexuality is condemned but not opposed, there is an indulgence here..." This should be un-nerving news for the mullahs; thankfully, they don't read the Guardian which has take care to remind its readers that the punishment for sodomy in Pakistan is life imprisonment.
In the West, more so in the US, where same-sex relations enjoy remarkable tolerance, political correctness has made race and racism touchy issues. But trust the Americans to come up with the most ingenuous means to circumvent prevalent social and political niceties.
The Ethnic Studies Department of California State University, a friend informs, is "not about a 10-week course on sex, but topics such as BDSM, black sexuality in pornography, and interracial sexuality" feature in the course.
If you think that's outr?, then hold your breath. In case you are planning to migrate to the Netherlands, you will have to buy a copy of a film on CD to prepare yourself for the "new entrance examination". Apart from tulips swaying in fragrant breeze, the film shows two gay men kissing in a park, a topless woman emerging from the sea and walking onto a crowded beach and other such aspects of Dutch life.
The 'new test' has helped reduce immigration by at least a third. Mostly from Islamic countries.
(March 18, 2006)
* * *
Desi reality TV arrives with nip-slip
If reports appearing in the American media are to be believed, BBC and Discovery Channel are planning a reality show to beat all reality shows - and definitely outdo Rome, the tele-documentary in which the veil has been ripped off the Roman Empire's debauched excesses.
The casting department has sought "fun, outgoing couples" in Los Angeles who will spend three days in a luxury hotel, to take part in an "unusual" taste test. No, it's not about "outgoing couples" nibbling at exotic dishes and rolling rare vintage around their tongues and then sharing their profound thoughts with viewers.
Those with an insider's knowledge claim that it is all about "epicurean investigation being uncovered". For instance, a participant will have a meal and then his/her companion will test the taste of certain body parts to check the impact of the food and booze.
Obviously, there's a huge audience out there for such tripe - salivating at the thought of barging into the most intimate corners of others' lives courtesy the idiot box. Thankfully, out here we have been spared, at least till now, 'adult' reality TV.
Of course, it makes little sense to keep canned 'adult' reality shows off our airwaves. Especially after TV channels broadcast live the nip-slip and bum-slip at Lakme Fashion Week that have left viewers lusting for an encore.
It's gross to be titillated by the sight of a hapless model's top falling off while she's walking the ramp - as it happened with Carol Gracias. The halter top, designed by Bennu Sahgall, who in all wisdom believed it would stay put in its rightful place on the strength of gossamer strings, fell off, leaving Carol brutally exposed to TV cameras.
Another model, Gauhar Khan of long-legs fame, was equally embarrassed on the ramp when the locked teeth of the zipper on her dress, designed by Lascelle Symons, decided to part company in front of TV cameras beaming live this season's haute couture.
The nip-slip and the bum-slip have left the unwashed masses convinced that models are too busy to bother with underwear. Meanwhile, cads and voyeurs are furiously MMSing the accidental exposure of tits and bums, unmindful of the humiliation of it all.
Here's a suggestion. Carol and Gauhar could do a Janet Jackson and blame the brouhaha caused by the telecast of pretty clothes falling off their beautiful bodies on a politician.
In 2004, millions of people got more than an eyeful of Janet Jackson's titty ring when the breast cup of her dress was accidentally dislodged due to a "wardrobe malfunction".
Sensing a good story in an election year, Genre magazine quoted Janet Jackson saying, "They really took it overboard, calling it 'Nipplegate' and all that... I truly feel in my heart that the President wanted to take the focus off of him at that time, and I was the perfect vehicle to do so at the moment."
You are welcome to choose a politician to blame for our very own 'Nipplegate' and 'Bumgate'. Yes, it's absurd, but so is the response to a fleeting glimpse of flesh on the ramp.
(April 1, 2006)
